Author Topic: Hmmmmmm.....  (Read 258459 times)

0 Members and 8 Guests are viewing this topic.

[TKC]Lasher

  • Heckler Apprentice
  • ****
  • Posts: 1394
  • IWHBYD
    • View Profile
    • http://www.tkc-community.net
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #960 on: January 22, 2009, 10:05:26 pm »
Obama is going to be the biggest fuckup this country or the would has seen in about the past 60 years.

Tuesday, my biology teacher has a really shitty TV in her room. I was half asleep anyways, but I could still hear everything. The TV buzzed super loud, sounding like a gunshot.

Almost all the white kids jumped to see if he was shot.
Whenever work feels overwhelming, just remember that you are going to die.

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #961 on: January 23, 2009, 01:09:51 am »
A Geologist and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The Engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.

Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.


*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #962 on: January 23, 2009, 01:13:06 am »
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, ?I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.?

?Very well,? says God, ?let us see if Jesus has fared any better.?

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, ?B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus? program is intact! How did he do it??

God chuckles, ?Everybody knows? Jesus saves.?


*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #963 on: January 23, 2009, 01:34:31 am »
Quote
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and says, "Can I join you?"
Quote
?Knock, knock.?

?Who?s there??

very long pause?.

?Java.?

Quote
I called the janitor the other day to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadn't the slightest idea what he had done with it. I told him not to worry about it - that as a programmer it wasn't the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.
Quote
Q: how many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: none, they just make darkness a standard and tell everyone "this behavior is by design"




*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #964 on: January 26, 2009, 03:35:13 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

[TKC]Lasher

  • Heckler Apprentice
  • ****
  • Posts: 1394
  • IWHBYD
    • View Profile
    • http://www.tkc-community.net
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #965 on: January 26, 2009, 03:45:13 am »

Whenever work feels overwhelming, just remember that you are going to die.

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #966 on: January 26, 2009, 04:00:42 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #967 on: January 26, 2009, 08:10:08 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #969 on: January 29, 2009, 09:17:38 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

[TKC]_NosTraDomus

  • Insane Joker
  • ****
  • Posts: 548
  • Status: Highest Ranked Player
    • View Profile
    • uTuBe
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #970 on: January 30, 2009, 10:39:13 pm »
perfect girl,lol but not how i want it to end...  :icon_o_o
LOL
Quote
guy with tits
lol-that was funny how he said that.

Slit Your Throat,Stab ya' in the back, shoot you in the head, no matter what, when you see me your Dead!

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20874
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #971 on: February 03, 2009, 05:24:49 am »




*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

h3ck3lr

  • Relentless Teamkiller
  • **
  • Posts: 69
    • View Profile
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #972 on: February 03, 2009, 08:03:27 am »

Melbourne heatwave .....





 :icon_laugh

h3ck3lr

  • Relentless Teamkiller
  • **
  • Posts: 69
    • View Profile
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #973 on: February 03, 2009, 08:06:01 am »
A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a  job.

The manager asked, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The young man answered, 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home.'

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through  it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how many sales did you make today?'

The Aussie bloke said, 'One.'

The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average  20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?' .......  $124,237.00

The manager choked and exclaimed, '$124,237.00 ...

What the hell did you sell him?' '

'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, So I told him he would need a boat.

We went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined  Power Cat.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took  him down to car Sales and sold him the 4x4 Suzuki.'

The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me .... A guy came in  here to buy A fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?'

'No, no, no ....... He came in here to buy a Box of tampons for his lady friend. And I said ............... 'Well, since your weekend's knackered, you     might as well go fishing.' !



! !


h3ck3lr

  • Relentless Teamkiller
  • **
  • Posts: 69
    • View Profile
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #974 on: February 03, 2009, 08:14:59 am »
« Last Edit: February 12, 2009, 06:36:59 am by h3ck3lr »