Author Topic: Hmmmmmm.....  (Read 173993 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #75 on: December 31, 2005, 12:08:41 pm »
A guy goes into a bank, walks up to the cashier and says, "Nice tits darling, I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I beg your pardon?" said the curvy cashier.

"Listen you stupid bitch!" screamed the man, "I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I'm sorry sir," said the cashier, "but I can't help you if you are going to talk to me like that!"

The cashier then walked away, went to the bank manager and told him what had happened. They both then returned to the cash desk.

The bank manager says to the man, "What seems to be the problem here then?"

"There's no fucking problem," replied the man, "I just won 10 million pounds on the fucking lottery and I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I see sir," the manager quickly said, "And this cunt's giving you a hard time is she?"

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #76 on: December 31, 2005, 12:41:36 pm »
"It's only illeagle if she remembers."

http://www.ttr2.com/2005/12/roofinex.html

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

[TKC]Anothercheater

  • Heckler Apprentice
  • ****
  • Posts: 1349
    • View Profile
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #77 on: December 31, 2005, 01:05:31 pm »
Quote from: ZOldDude
A guy goes into a bank, walks up to the cashier and says, "Nice tits darling, I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I beg your pardon?" said the curvy cashier.

"Listen you stupid bitch!" screamed the man, "I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I'm sorry sir," said the cashier, "but I can't help you if you are going to talk to me like that!"

The cashier then walked away, went to the bank manager and told him what had happened. They both then returned to the cash desk.

The bank manager says to the man, "What seems to be the problem here then?"

"There's no fucking problem," replied the man, "I just won 10 million pounds on the fucking lottery and I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I see sir," the manager quickly said, "And this cunt's giving you a hard time is she?"


LMFAO

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #78 on: December 31, 2005, 01:17:08 pm »
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work..

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lover and hide in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.

She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.

The little boy says: "Dark in here."
The man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccerball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "?250-00." ................

A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in the cupboardtogether again.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The boy says:"?750-00."
The secret lover says: "Fine, I will buy them."


A few days later, the father says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside and have a game."

The boy says: "I can't, I sold them for ?1000."
The father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends likethat......
?1000 is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your sins."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says: "Dark in here."
The priest says: "Don't start that sh!t again!"

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #79 on: December 31, 2005, 01:37:54 pm »
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #80 on: December 31, 2005, 01:40:20 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #81 on: December 31, 2005, 02:43:31 pm »
Our lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk)
At home as it is in the tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager
Barmen

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #82 on: December 31, 2005, 03:06:09 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

[TKC]Anothercheater

  • Heckler Apprentice
  • ****
  • Posts: 1349
    • View Profile
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #83 on: December 31, 2005, 03:15:04 pm »
Quote from: ZOldDude
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

i dont understand why this should be a joke

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #84 on: December 31, 2005, 03:40:54 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #85 on: December 31, 2005, 04:33:39 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #86 on: December 31, 2005, 06:20:45 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #87 on: January 01, 2006, 02:58:21 am »
What does it mean to give more than 100% ?
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint,

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26,

then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and,

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

and, look how far ass-kissing will take you:
A-S-S--K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass-Kissing will put you over the top!

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #88 on: January 01, 2006, 03:11:04 am »
Bob lived in an apartment building and had to walk down the hall every morning to get his mail. One morning while getting his mail, his new (drop dead gorgeous) neighbor slinked out of her apartment towards him and as she leaned over to get her mail her robe opened a bit. Bob could hardly beleive it, she wasn't wearing a thing under her robe. The woman leaned closer to Bob and said good morning. This time her robe opened up completely. She purred to Bob that she hadn't had a man in years. He could hardly keep eye contact when she said she heard someone coming and that they should go back to her apartment. They went inside and she let the robe fall to the floor. What do you think my best feature is? Bob stuttered and drueled a bit and finally said "Your ears."
"What do you mean my ears, look at me. I have round perfect breasts, a nice tight ass and legs to die for what on earth made you say EARS!!!

"Well," said Bob "In the hall you said you heard someone coming, that was me!!!

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

  • The Unknown Rank!
  • Administrator
  • MasstKer
  • *
  • Posts: 20840
  • Old School TKC
    • View Profile
    • Admin
Re: Hmmmmmm.....
« Reply #89 on: January 01, 2006, 03:21:47 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*