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My name is RinaldoI'm fat and I'm bald I just turn 27The women do smirk when I tell 'em I clerk at the 7-11I live with my mother, I know that she druther I found me another addressBut I can't afford rent cause my paychecks are spent pursuing my own happinessI slap on some Polo and venture out solo each Friday at sundownI hit all the places where desperate faces look anxious and rundownAnd I'm up there lookin' for lovin' because I have certain needs just like any man doesand when morning comes I won't care if she was the strangest of angels from heavenThank god, thank god for them plain lookin' womenThey might not be models, their behinds might waddle, they might be bowlegged with flat boney feetThey might be a'missin' a couple of teeth but thank god for them plain lookin' womenLet's get up and give 'em a handCause the fact that they're homely makes livin' less lonely for an everyday plain lookin' manOne night I was seekin' the female mystiquein' a local dance palacewhen I met a lady most solid and weighty whose handle was 'Alice'Though some might have found her too broad in the beamto me she was naught but the creme de la cremeThe beer glassdess princess did swaller from seemed like the mystical, crystical chaliceWith exuberance I implored her to dance and she nodded agreementAnd before I knew it we was fixin' to do it on the parkin' lot cementI knew it was love when she breathlessly cried 'You're breakin' my sternum, please roll to the side'I managed to give her one hell of a ride and both of us came before we wentThank god, thank god for them plain lookin' womenThey might be more sturdy than precious or purtyThey might have crossed eyeballs and leathery hideThey might be three or four axe handles wideBut thank god for them plain lookin' womenLet's get up and give em' a handCause the fact they're homely livin' less lonely for an everyday plain lookin' manNow, lord, you made me uglyYou had your reasons, I supposeAnd if you'd only made pretty women, well, I reckon there'd be no one for me to hoseBut I'm grateful for your mercy in creating my counterpartsWhen they play Where's Waldo with little Rinaldo, they're playin' the strings of my heartSo thank god, thank god for them plain lookin' womenThey might be less charming than they are alarmingThey might possess hair where it's ought not to beTheir laughter might cause kids and critters to flee but thank god for them plain lookin' womenLet's get up and give em' a handCause the fact that they're homely makes livin' less lonely for an everyday plain lookin' manYeah, the fact that they're homely makes livin' less lonely for an everyday plain lookin' man
Hot Tuna: Funky #7 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5uQ9ImyN4M