Author Topic: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14/15  (Read 18751 times)

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ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #150 on: December 20, 2014, 01:43:53 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #151 on: December 20, 2014, 01:45:28 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #152 on: December 20, 2014, 01:59:32 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #153 on: December 20, 2014, 02:34:32 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #154 on: December 20, 2014, 05:47:14 am »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #155 on: December 21, 2014, 11:27:01 pm »
A CAT'S CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.

'Cuz the cat had pounced on him
and tore him apart-
Ate his mousey intestines
And chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells,
which made him take pause-
He stopped daintily licking
the blood from his claws.

"Must be Santa" thought Kitty
(that quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
the chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol' Santa,
so jolly and fat
With a load of presents
and all for the cat!

"Wow, the best Christmas ever!"
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
and shed some more fur.

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #156 on: December 21, 2014, 11:28:31 pm »
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #157 on: December 21, 2014, 11:30:53 pm »
It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mum if he could have a new bike. So, she told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mum told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote ' Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.' But he wasn't very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote 'Dear Jesus, I'm a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.' He read it back and wasn't happy with that one either. He tried a third version. 'Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.' He read that one too, but he still wasn't satisfied.
So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. 'Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you'd better send me a new bike.'

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #158 on: December 21, 2014, 11:32:02 pm »
Last Christmas, grandpa was feeling his age, and found that
shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult. So he
decided to send checks to everyone instead.

In each card he wrote, "Buy your own present!" and mailed them
early.

He enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities, and it was
only after the holiday that he noticed that he had receiving very
few cards in return. Puzzled over this, he went into his study,
intending to write a couple of his relatives and ask what had
happened. It was then, as he cleared off his cluttered desk that
he got his answer. Under a stack of papers, he was horrified to
find the gift checks which he had forgotten to enclose with the
cards.

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #159 on: December 21, 2014, 11:34:12 pm »
+++++++++++
Letter from Santa
+++++++++++


2 Darn Cold Street
The North Pole,

Canada
H0H 0H0

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good during the year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all the gifts from "The Twelve Days of Christmas", but we had a little problem up here. The twelve fiddlers fiddling, have all come down with "VD" from fiddling with the ten ladies dancing. The eleven lords a leaping have knocked up the eight maids a milking, and the nine pipers playing, have been arrested for doing weird things to the seven swans a swimming. The six geese a laying, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree, have me up to my butt in bird crap.

On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined Gay Liberation, and those dumb ass Newfoundlanders have re-scheduled Christmas for the 5th of February.

Sincerely,
Santa

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #160 on: December 21, 2014, 11:37:04 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #161 on: December 21, 2014, 11:37:44 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #162 on: December 21, 2014, 11:39:14 pm »
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.


The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #163 on: December 21, 2014, 11:49:52 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*

ZOldDude

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Re: TKC Xmas 2012/13/14
« Reply #164 on: December 21, 2014, 11:50:49 pm »

*While we crash and burn, small, low tech, agrarian societies such as the Hmong in the mountains of Laos will continue on without so much as blinking an eye.*